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America, I Hate You (America, I Love You)

A few months ago, it occurred to me that I’d been going out and drinking more than usual. “I’m just busy”, I thought. “I say yes to people too often.” And while that’s true, I was a bit too willing. Usually, I’m happiest when I’m being productive and earning my cocktails. (To be clear, I […]

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Your Suburban Apathy

I grew up in Chicagoland. That’s actually what they call it. And by it I mean the great sprawl of suburbs surrounding Chicago. It never occurred to me that “Chicagoland” might sound funny to outsiders until I moved away at 25. It sounds like an amusement park; one that features a 90’s themed Chicago Bulls […]

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Sammon Says: Unsolicited Dating Advice

Remember when I started an advice column, gave some advice, and then stopped for months and months and months? Well, I’m not a quitter! (Yet…) Before I get back to questions, I want to dole out some totally unsolicited dating advice. Last week, I had lunch with one of my [single] friends, Maggie. We talked […]

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Sammon Says: Grow a Spine

Welcome to the FIRST EVER advice post on Sammon Says!!!! Thank you to “Spineless in Seattle” for writing! Here goes… Dear Kate/Sammon Says, I’ve always struggled with failure. And the fear of that failure has determined how I live much of my life. I’ve recently decided to make some changes – primarily by doing the whole “fake […]

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Sammon Says: What I (Kind of ) Know

I’m bad at a lot of things. When I consider all the things in the world one could be good at, I realize that I’m bad at most of them. Math? Bad Anything involving the words “systematic”, “analytic”, “linear”, or “logic”? Ugh, not even interested. Driving? Okayish, besides multiple speeding tickets (a decade ago) and […]

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Read a F*cking Book

Ten years ago, my friend Nate got us a seasonal job handing out mints for a well-known gum company in Chicago. It paid $14 an hour, which was huge for a couple of lazy theater majors in 2006. Our task was simple: show up at a Chicago landmark at the scheduled time, receive your mints from the […]

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Meant2B

One night, when I was 13 years old, I wished upon a falling star that Joe Vanderhoof and I would fall in love and get married. Joe Vanderhoof was a family friend of ours, three years my senior. We grew up together and then one day he morphed into a hot teen and I fell in […]

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Turbulence

A few weeks ago, I flew back to Seattle after a weekend in Chicago. It was my second trip home this year and I am set to make two more before the year ends. Three out of four of these trips have been/will be for the sole purpose of seeing my new baby nephew. I look […]

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I Don’t Drink Like I Used To

Some facts about me and alcohol: I have never been the type of person who could brag about drinking other people under the table*. The only person I could drink under the table would be a toddler and that’s an inhumane thing to put a toddler through. I was never a “kegstand every night of […]

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What to Expect When You’re 30 and Unmarried

Turning 30 means a lot of things to a lot of people. To many it means: “SHIT!?! Hurry up! Get married, pop out some kids, and quit messin’ around!” Women especially cringe about 30 (and aging in general), because of the looming threat of dried ovaries and sagging boobs. A middle-aged co-worker told me the […]

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