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No, I’m Not Getting Married (So Stop Asking!)

I am moving to Seattle on Wednesday. With my boyfriend. I love him, he loves me and we think the Pacific Northwest seems like a cool place to live, so we’re moving there together. Maybe we will love it. Maybe we won’t.

We will see.

My boyfriend asked me to move with him last August, and since then we have been prepping for it–saving our money, consoling our families, etc. In that time, I’ve shared my plans with many people and most of them are excited and encouraging. (Many of them are thoughtful enough to remind me that it rains a lot in Seattle. Thank god for them- I hadn’t a clue.) There’s always the standard questions that follow- “Are you moving there for work?”, “What does your boyfriend do?”, “What will your boyfriend do?”, “What will you do?”, “Do you know anyone out there?” I learned to patiently answer questions, as they are to be expected. Although at times, I felt robotic, dispensing the same answers time and time again.

If the other questions had me feeling robotic, there was one that made me short-circuit….

“So, are you getting married?!”

Gah! That question makes me cringe.

I knoooow. It’s a fair question, seeing as it is the common thought that if two people love each other enough to move across the country together, they will then get married. That’s how the game of life gets played, right? Yeah, well no.

I’m of the school of thought that if two people love each other enough to move across the country together, they…love each other enough to move across the country together. And then they see what happens next.

And then what happens after that. And then maybe it keeps working out for them and then they take it from there.

Maybe you’re thinking, “She hates marriage!” or “She hates her boyfriend and doesn’t want to marry him!” That is not the case. I think marriage can be great. When it’s done right. My parents are coming up on forty years and they still really like each other! I see all the merits of a long-lasting union. And as for my boyfriend? I love him. Not a little. A lot. More than any other guy I ever dated or pined for or thought of while singing along to the radio in my car. I love him enough to say, “Let’s do this. Let’s go on an adventure.” He loves me enough to say it back.

That is what we’re doing right now- going on an adventure and being in love. It’s pretty exciting. I can’t help but feel we’d be jumping the gun to the next big, giant step and completely looking past all that is great and interesting and important about what is happening right now. (And excuse me, but I think that’s where a lot of people go wrong…)

As for the long-term? I don’t have large dowry on my head, so we’re in no rush.

Maybe we will. Maybe we won’t. We will see.

Originally published on Awesomepreneur.

2 Responses to No, I’m Not Getting Married (So Stop Asking!)

  1. themeganmercier@gmail.com'
    megan February 7, 2014 at 1:28 am #

    wow. this was/is/may forever be my exact experience in regards to moving across the country with my boyfriend, which are actually two independent choices that every frigging person who is not you seems to feel it is their right to render an opinion on. i can’t tell you how many people who DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY CHOSEN FIELD leap to asking me what I’m going to do out here? Do I have a job? Do I know anybody? As if I’m too stupid to figure it out on my own but somehow they have ALL the answers telling me exactly what I should do, where to get a job or take a class–people who have never even been where I live. And then there are the people who just assume I’m blindly following my boyfriend without any sense or intuition of my own.

    And yes, like you, most anyone who actually cares about me has been awesome and encouraging or supportive. But damn I wish those casual acquaintance know-it-alls would keep their blind genius to theyselves.

    happy birthday (which you share with my mom) and you have a lovely new blog.

    • Kate Sammon February 23, 2014 at 12:37 am #

      I was actually wondering that about you! I feel you, girl. But it’s over (for now). Now we get to enjoy people salivating over when we are going to get engaged! I look forward to visiting home, but also dread running into said acquaintances again. Also, sorry for the delay- I neglected my blog while laying around with my pneumonia. I hope you are enjoying that LA sun!

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